In Which "Better Late Than Never" Becomes My Life Verse

True confessions: I knew, I knew, that blogging regularly would be just as challenging for me as running/training regularly would be, and I was right.  I WAS RIGHT! (It's always nice when you can turn a confession into a defense of your own rightness.  I'm liking this.  I might try it again.)  Fortunately, I can say that I am doing a better job with the running than the blogging, and in the end, that's probably the more important piece to this whole half-marathon training gig, wouldn't you say?  The post below I actually started weeks and weeks ago, but never finished, and obviously, never posted.  I'm posting it now because I cannot bear for any blogging time to go to waste when I accomplish it so rarely, AND in the hope that it will jump-start future blogging.  This is unlikely I know, but we do what we can, right?  So, without further ado, a really old post!

*****

This morning (drumroll please)... This morning I ran 5 miles!**  And I ran it at a faster average pace than any of my previous "long" runs!  I am over the moon about this.  Seriously, it was just the bit of encouragement that I had been needing lately.  (The last few weeks have felt pretty sluggish running-wise even though I've been keeping up with the training for the most part.)

After I was finished I met up with Peter and the kids at the park where they had been playing on the playground and riding their bike/tricycle.  I kept telling the kids over and over again, "You guys, I ran 5 miles this morning!  And I ran it in under an 11-minute mile pace!  This is really good for me!  Don't you think that's really good?"  Finally, Peter had to break in and say, "I don't really think all these numbers mean anything to them."  Annnnd, he was right.  The five-year-old and the one-year-old were simply not that impressed.  (This was Eden's first time riding her brand new big-girl bike someplace other than our driveway, and I think Asher's first time riding the tricycle at all.  Running 5 miles will lose to new bikes every time.  Obviously.)

In other news, summer vacation is kicking my posterior.  I knew when I decided to take on training/fundraising that it would require sacrificing some free time.  I thought through what that might look like and tried to prepare accordingly.  I should have done the same thing for summer vacation.  I way over-committed myself to projects/goals this summer while simultaneously forgetting that having two kids home every day, all day, (one of whom does not like to nap, but does really, really like to talk) would mean an end to most, if not all, personal and/or free time.  I have now become that stereotype mom who goes to the bathroom just to be alone (or daydream about being alone, which is perhaps, more often the case).  That being said, there is also a lot to say for the awesomeness of not having to get everyone up and ready and out the door every morning.  Also, my poor son, who had to be woken up out of almost every nap during the school year to go with me to pick his sister up from school, can apparently regularly nap for 2-3 hours if people will just leave him alone.  The poor kid got about half that if he was lucky during the previous 7 or 8 months.  I feel bad for both of us.

But enough about me!  Once, a long time ago, I promised to post more about Heartline and what exactly it is that they do - so on to that!

If you've looked through Heartline's website, or even read through my fundraising page, some of this will be old news to you, but I wanted to put it on my blog anyway, for those who haven't made it that far. So here's a bit of the story of how Heartline got started, in their own words:

Heartline Ministries is a 501(c)(3) faith based organization formed to operate an orphanage, women’s program, and other programs in Port-au-Prince Haiti. The organization was established in September of 2000 to formalize the independent work of John and Beth McHoul, who are the founding directors of the organization. John and Beth have been working in Haiti since 1989.

Our approach deals with the whole person, so Heartline is involved in many humanitarian, educational and faith-based activities.

In 2007, we started our women’s program. The women’s program currently houses our Sewing, Beading, Cooking, and Literacy programs. Although classes vary in duration most women stay in the programs for about a year. Once they master their crafts they also have the chance to sell their items both online and at our two merchandise stores in Haiti. The ultimate goal of the program is to empower women to take control of their lives emotionally, spiritually, and financially.

As we worked with orphans we realized that a great unfilled need was maternal care. Many babies and children become orphans due to inadequate or absent medical care for expecting mothers. In many cases simple procedures and proper care would have prevented these deaths and thereby the orphans. There are lots of orphanages in Haiti. There are far less maternity clinics. So in 2009, our Maternity Center was brought to reality with a very busy birthing room and classrooms where both pre-natal and post-birth child development classes are taught weekly. We have 2 full-time RNs and 3 midwives on staff and many others who have a heart for the program who are a great help! We hope to expand our program with a second clinic. We’ve also had other missionaries from different parts of the world come to study our program.

On January 12, 2010 everything changed as a devastating earthquake destroyed most of Port Au Prince. Millions were killed, injured, or made homeless. By the grace of God, our facilities experienced minor damage and none of the people working for Heartline were seriously injured.

We responded immediately by transforming the maternity center into an emergency clinic where we performed major surgeries and helped hundreds of people recover. We were one of the few places in the city that could function so quickly after the earthquake due to the experienced group of missionaries and medical professionals and their diligent work. After about a year we were able to resume full time maternity services.

In 2013 we added a men’s discipleship and bakery program to our ministries. We have been blessed to see 10 Haitian men develop new business skills and develop a deeper relationship with Christ and their Christian brothers.

We haven’t forgotten about the children in Haiti. We have several types of support and camp programs throughout the year.

As an organization, our size and commitment has made us a very effective organization. Currently, 90% of the organizations expenses are spent on the ground in Haiti.

*****

The above is a good introduction to the work that Heartline does, but I know what motivates me the most are the stories of the men, women, and children of Haiti, and their perseverance and courage in the face of some pretty difficult life circumstances. Should I ever blog again, I will try to share some of those stories with you.

**I ran 7.5 miles yesterday, by the way.  Again, with an average pace (just) under 11 minutes per mile.  If there is such a thing as an everyday miracle, then this surely is an example of one.

Thanks for your support, friends!

Hello, Goodbye*

So I think we can all agree that my attempt at blog-as-baby-book has completely and finally failed.

Dear children, I love you, but apparently not enough to faithfully record all the silly, funny, heartwarming, profound, and also (occasionally) annoying, ridiculous, and mind-boggling things you do.  I would like to believe that this is because I was/am too busy living all those moments with you and soaking up your fleeting childhood to take time to document properly.  We all know that this is not entirely true, but I think it is a good story none-the-less, and I'm sticking with it.

So, here we are.  It is time to say a bloggy goodbye.  I'm sure this will be confusing to my "readers" (haha!) - kind of like when you see on the news that a celebrity has died and feel completely bewildered because you were sure they'd already died at least five years ago.  But no worries.  I am about to make it even more confusing by announcing that this blog is officially over - but also, not!

I am definitely giving up on the online baby scrapbook plan.  That is kaput.  BUT.  I do have something kind of big and exciting (at least to me) that I'm going to try to do this year, and I'm going to be using this blog as a platform for that project.  But after that, goodbye! 

I will share more about my project/goal in another post.  But before we dive into that story, I thought I should post an update on the cast of characters here in the Hough House.

First up: Peter, my partner in crime.

What can I say?  I married a good man.  Pete spends most of his time leading the church plant that he helped, well, plant, a year or so after we moved here from California almost 4 years ago now.  I am biased, of course, but he is doing a fantastic job.  He is probably the smartest person I actually know, plus he's kind and funny and cute to boot.  I am constantly quoting his sermons to myself and others, and not infrequently to him as well, which is odd, I suppose.  But he always challenges me and gives me a lot to think about while also being my sounding-board for all things.  I know it is said a lot about best friends and spouses, but Peter makes me a better person.  A waaaaay better person.  I am privileged to have a front row seat to his life and thoughts.

Second: Eden, my first-born, my delightfully 5 1/2 year old daughter.

I once said God created coffee just so I had a hope of keeping up with Eden.  I still think there is a good chance that is true.  Eden is exactly what she has always been: a glorious supernova of intelligence, determination, and sensitivity.  She is dramatic and competitive: uncertain and anxious at times, confidently commanding at others.  She reads books I didn't even know existed until I was several years older than her.  She loves animals and if you ever need to know how to tell the difference between a leopard and a jaguar, or what you call a baby platypus, she's your girl.  Living with Eden is like exploring a new frontier: occasionally fraught with conflict and drama and exhaustion but also beautiful and unexpected and wonderfully unforgetable.

Third: Asher, my comedian, my sweet almost-two year old son.

Asher is my cuddle-bug, my snuggler, my lover of all things-that-go.  He cannot leave the house without a toy car or truck or train in hand.  He loves things that ROAR, whether that is a motorcycle, T-Rex, or tiger.  As he approaches his twos, we are seeing more of the infamous Hough stubbornness and flair for drama, but he is still in many ways much more laid-back and flexible than his sister (and, let's be honest, his mother).  We cannot wait for Asher to start talking as it is very clear the gears are chugging away in all sorts of delightful ways in that shaggy head of his.  That being said, Asher has never seemed to be in a hurry for anything (except going outside - if you open the door to the great outdoors you'd better be prepared to block a twenty-something-pound toddler from stumbling through it).  In many ways, I think Eden sees milestones as personal challenges for her to conquer and control - opportunities for victory; I suspect Asher cannot possibly be bothered with anything so mundane as what other people think is important.  Undoubtedly, they both give me a run for my money on a daily, sometimes hourly basis, while also being tiny, bouncy pinpricks of light through which the glory of heaven shines in all its beauty.

Hough House bit characters: Two cats, Sheba and Pudge, the thirteen year old banes of my existence.  One rabbit, Flopsy, the three year old bunny who I'm actually pretty fond of, mostly because he confines his messes to the backyard as opposed to the interior of my house.

And that's that!  Life in our small-town cottage is currently frenetic and tedious, alarming and exhilarating and mundane - an adventure and a lot of work all at the same time, just as yours is, I imagine.  I am thankful for it, and I am trying will all my might to learn how to cherish it and how to give it away.

 *One of my all-time favorite Beatles' songs.  Also, a notorious ear-worm. (So, sorry if you clicked on the link.  Except not sorry because the song is awesome.)

Return Of The Blog, Part Who-Can-Really-Keep-Track-Anymore

Okay.

I've decided to give this blog one more go. 

HOWEVER. It is not going to be what it used to be. (Whatever that was.)

When I first started writing here, about five years ago (holy moly), we lived in California and were about to have our first baby.  I needed a way to share pictures and stories with family (particularly grandmas) without cluttering up people's in-boxes with giant e-mails.  Now we live much closer to family, we have two children, and I have even less free time than I did before (hard as that is to imagine).  So, I'm giving this blog one last go as a memory-recorder - but this time primarily for myself.  And I'm not going to even consider putting as much time into it as I did back in the day.  To try to get myself jump-started, I'm going to try to post every day this week, but after that, once or twice a week TOPS is my goal.  (Granted, seeing that I haven't posted in about ten months, once a week is pretty prolific.)  I'm also going to lean more toward the photo-of-the-day type posts; in other words, I'm not really planning on using this space for much personal reflection or sermonizing.  I just want to be more disciplined about recording family memories (big and small) on a regular basis.  This blog seems like it could still be a good space for that.  But if it's not, I have a couple other ideas as back-ups that might work just as well.

In short, number of posts should go up!  But quality and length of writing will most definitely go down (as compared to when I first started, I should say).

All that being said, here are my photos for today:

Today is Eden's first day of Kindergarten.  I do not think I could be more stinkin' proud of this kid.  She is spectacular in so many ways.  For the sake of posterity, however, I would like it to be known that she picked out her own outfit (which I was okay with) AND her own shoes (which I was definitely not okay with but decided not to fight).  I don't know if you can tell from the photo, but they are basically held together by a few threads.  She may, in fact, have to come home barefoot today - it wouldn't surprise me.  When I dropped Eden off at school, I noticed all the other little girls were dressed up in actual dresses and similar finery, in what is probably first-day-of-school tradition.  In contrast, if anyone looked at Eden's feet, they probably assumed she was a step away from being homeless.  (Thus my need to defend myself to future generations.  THE SHOES ARE NOT MY FAULT.)

If you'd like to see what Eden looked like on her first day of preschool last year, for comparison's sake, scroll down a couple of posts.  Same stuffed animal, same cute kid, one year older. (The hat is a story for another day.  Or maybe not, since I'm not going to be writing as much.  We'll see.)

With that adorable face, who could possibly be looking at her feet, amiright??

This One Is For Shanelle

It has been almost a year since I've written anything here.  My second to last blog post was written on the eve of my 32nd birthday, and in just 3 days I will turn 33.  This isn't the first time I've taken a "break" from the blog - but over the last year it was looking increasingly like this particular break might become permanent.

My friend, Shanelle, helped changed my mind.  (She is very persuasive.  And persistent!)

But there was another person who really won me back over to the idea in the end.

World, meet Asher Malachi.

He is adorable.  He is wonderful.  And his hair alone is worth opening this blog back up again.

Posterity needs a record of this, don't you think?

I probably won't be writing the same type of blog posts as before.  But then, I'm not the same person I was before.  And we aren't the same family.

We are deeply enjoying the beginning of a whole new life - with a whole new set of stories.  So that's why I'm giving the blog another go - because I cherish each and every memory of Eden recorded here, and I want to add to her stories.

And I want to start with his.

Good Words

As most of you already know, I am a big fan of blogs. I love them. I read them pretty much daily. And I'm always up for checking out a new blog that someone (anyone) recommends or links to. Because of this, I've followed an increasing number over the course of the last few years. Several months ago I realized that it was all becoming a bit too much time-wise. I simply couldn't keep up with all of them, and even trying to keep up required more time than I felt comfortable spending. So I drastically cut the list of blogs I check regularly to those you see linked on the side of my page. I still "drop in" on a few others from time to time, but I definitely don't try to read every single post.

Those linked to the left, however, are my current favorites. And most of them have been my favorites for a long time. I deliberately set the Blogger gadget to list when each of these blogs is updated because I look forward to reading them so much, and I love to see a status that lets me know there's a new post ready to read. One of my long-time favorites is called The Flourishing Mother. I'm not sure exactly when I first started following Andrea, but it was definitely several years ago. I thoroughly enjoy all of her thoughts on mothering and life in general (as well as her lists of weekend reads!). She is full of wisdom, and I appreciate her "realness" and transparency, as well as the humble, faithful heart that is clearly evident in her steady and deliberate pursuit of excellence in all she does.

I've always loved how blogs provide a glimpse into others' thoughts and perspectives, and over the course of time I love that I can come to "know" someone I will almost certainly never meet. What a blessing that is - to not be completely limited by geography or time or life stage or even differences in personality in our opportunities to "hear" each other! I have never met Andrea and most likely never will, but I feel as if she is a part of my community in many ways, and I'm grateful for her and her words in my life. Recently Andrea wrote a poem and posted it to her blog, and I've seriously read it over and over and over again. It has been a great encouragement to me, and it seems to sum up so much of what my life is about right now. I'm always thankful for words of hope, and I know many of you are too, so here are Andrea's words from a day back in May**:

Bare empty sticks
become
lush fragrant
in due time.

Things are Always Changing.
The Way I Feel Now
Will not last forever.

God is constantly changing Nature.
But He never does.
He stays the Same.

We do not stay hidden in the tight bulb.
We are let out to bloom
To have new life
To Change
to Become
lush, fragrant
not always
Bare, Empty Sticks.


Amen. Thank you, Andrea! And thank you, God, for your promise to make everything new.

**Reposted with permission.

Thoughts For Monday

To continue my pattern of stealing things from other people's blogs, today I'm going to post a list of thoughts for the day/week/month/however long it's been since I last posted. They will be in no particular order other than the order in which they come to my mind. Which frankly might prove interesting to those of you with psychology degrees. (All one of you.) Or not. But there's only one way to find out so here goes:

1. My last post is the closest I've ever come to regretting putting something on my blog. It was honest and nobody has been weird or mean about it or anything, but I still wonder if it might have been a tad too... heavy? For the average reader who's just stopping by for some more cute pictures of Eden? If so, I apologize. I definitely had a spidey-sense that what I wrote might have caused a bit more concern among some than I intended. (I intended zero. Zero concern units.) Of course, it was also probably not wise to blog about feeling depressed and then just sort of drop off the Interwebs for awhile, but sometimes I'm just busy doing normal life stuff and don't feel particularly like writing or can't really think of anything interesting to write about (not that that has really ever stopped me before), and then suddenly I realize how much time has passed and it's: oh yeah, my blog - maybe I should post something quick before everyone (including myself) forgets the address.

2. In other news, I am okay. Nobody worry.

3. Depression still stinks though, just in case anyone was wondering. Thought I'd clear that up for you in case you were going to guess the opposite or something.

4. We bought a new car! Well, you know, new to us. I think it will work well for us as long as we never need to drive anyone taller than... me... anywhere. So, that's good, no?

5. It really should be more fun to spend thousands of dollars on something. Like at least one hundred times the thrill you get when you buy something you didn't even know you needed on clearance at Target. Right? Am I crazy here? (Do not answer that question.) Frankly, this whole used-car-buying-experience was pretty much no fun at all. I feel a smidge cheated in that department.

6. Mother's Day was very nice. We had a picnic in the backyard. Eden bought me a balloon. I think I'll keep her. :)

7. Apparently I don't do a lot of thinking because coming up with this list is proving much harder than I expected.

8. Tomorrow night is the Mother-Daughter Banquet at church. Wednesday my newest nephew will be born. Thursday we leave for a week in California. Friday I may need a caramel frappuccino injected straight into my veins. (But, because we will be in Southern California, that will only require walking to the corner - pretty much any corner.) I may or may not need to immediately follow that up with a fish taco. SoCal friends, take note.

9. I bought a swimsuit online in a fit of desperation. It is supposed to arrive tomorrow. I'm already 95% sure that I will be returning it. Why oh why did I ever buy that Raging Rivers season pass for me and Eden? Couldn't I just have bought a kiddie pool for the backyard and called it a day?

10. There's a pan of chocolate brownies on the table with my name on it. I mean, I'm returning the swimsuit anyway, right?

Adios!

It's Aliiiiivve!

Hello, friends.

So I mentioned once awhile back that I was thinking about closing up shop on this ol' blog. I implied in that same post that I'd already decided not to, that this blog would definitely go on in some shape or form.

And then I just kind of stopped writing. For about two or three months.

Turns out that post was a bit presumptuous. I wasn't ready to decide just yet. I'm not even 100% confident that I'm ready to decide right now. I mean I thought about writing a lot. I took photos with the intent to upload them here. I thought about Eden stories to share. I came up with some great post titles. But the motivation to actually sit down at keyboard and type just... fizzled. Every single time.

I keep thinking of those famous verses from Ecclesiastes. These last few months for me have been a time to absorb and reflect. In fact, I think that so much has been coming in to my life and mind and heart lately, that it has taken all my energy to manage the flow, and nothing has been left over for giving out. There is a time to produce and a time to gather supplies if you will. A time to expend energy through various endeavors and a time to hunker down, and be silent, and just try to really take in this life as we find it. I'd been feeling the need to hunker down and be silent. It was long overdue, in fact.

But though the ground around our home remains frozen and seemingly lifeless, I've been feeling the stirring of some energy again. The desire to grow and stretch and shake off some of this dust and dirt and maybe even find some new sunny spots to explore. (Oh metaphors! How I've missed abusing you!) Perhaps it's the New Year and all the people around me who are busy making and pursuing resolutions. Or maybe I have finally recovered from MegaVirusAttack 2010/11, version welcome-to-a-new-state-and-a-whole-new-community-of-germs-just-waiting-to-make-your-acquaintance. (Oh, and that! The run-on-word thing! I've missed that too.) Or maybe it's something else. Maybe we all just need to turn off the lights and unplug the phone once in awhile. Sit in the dark, play the no-one's-home-game, and just be.

I know I did.

For The Love

In all honesty, I have seriously considered abandoning this blog over the last month.

I just can't find the time to write anymore. And that's not a bad thing. It's just a natural result of my life being very full right now - much more so than it was just a few months ago. I'm working a lot harder, but it's good work, it's satisfying work. I wish I had more time to work, in fact. And it's interesting to me that while I'm working harder than ever (and enjoying it more than ever) I'm actually earning nothing. Well, zero dollars, anyway.

But do you know what I think it's called when you get up every morning still tired from the day before, but glad - so glad! - to have another opportunity to work, to pour all of your energy and everything you are and have into the tasks set before you, even if those tasks are, by all objective standards, mostly small and insignificant?

I think it's called Love.

So, so thankful for my life.

(Also. This blog is not over quite yet. Eden is: 1) stinkin' cute, but also, 2) not that interested in listening to my meandering and, frankly, rather self-absorbed thoughts on life. Thus that role must still fall to you, dear friends o' the Internet. I recommend skimming. At least until you get to the pictures of the stinkin' cute kid.)

So Purty

New template is up! What do you think?

Also updated my blog roll - lots of new mommy blogs to browse for those who care and have the time. On an administrative note, I'm currently in the process of trying to update my labels so that they're consistent across the blog (can you say O.C.D.?). I'm hoping republishing those old posts won't cause them to reappear in your reader (if you use one). If so - my apologies! They are not new and the content of the posts themselves has not been edited. I feel like I should also create and post an "About Me" section - it's always the first thing I read when I'm browsing a new blog, and I get kind of miffed if it's missing - but for some reason writing one feels about as fun as scrubbing the broiler pan after fish night. I don't know why.

Summer is here! We're off to Hollywood today! More about that later.

Happy Saturday, friends!

Okay, Okay, Okay

So, here's the thing.

I've been kinda, sorta deliberately avoiding this blog.

And the kinda, sorta weird part about it is that it's because there's a LOT to say. Many, many things are afoot in the Hough House. Significant things - momentous things, even. Buuuuut, I haven't wanted to share the news until I could tell you the whole story.

And I STILL can't tell you the whole story.

Which is beyond agonizing. Because I am a terrible waiter. (And no, I do not mean a server in a restaurant. Although I'm pretty sure I'd be terrible at that too.)

We thought we might know everything a few weeks ago. We were wrong. Now we're hoping that we'll know in just a little over a week. I'm trying not to get too attached to that time line either though.

Anyway, I'm telling you all this so that those of you who KEEP HARASSING ME about updating my blog will be appeased. (Nell Nell, you know I'm giving you a virtual glare here.)

Well okay, that's not really true. I'm actually telling you all this so that you can join me in the wonderful, joyous experience of waiting, waiting, waiting. Because, I am a giver. And I'm losing my mind. Will you keep me company along the way?

Honestly, while a ton of our activities lately have centered around this story-that-I'm-not-yet-ready-to-share, I could be a bit less lazy in the posting department. So, I'll post some more soon, regardless of when we get The News. I promise.

Just you wait.

Mad Blogging Skills

Or is it skillz? Or skilz?

Meh. Anyway...

Two posts in one month!! Take that, Pioneer Woman!

In continued demonstration of my awesome blog abilities, here are some month-old photos and video.

Eden's first carousel adventure:
Round...
...and round she goes.
And just when I figured out how to work the video feature on my camera...

Oh well.

Just for fun, here's a completely unrelated video, also from about a month ago:


What's crazy to me is how much more verbal and articulate Eden is now than what you see in this video. I can't believe the difference just a few weeks has made. (Side note: sorry for the poor quality. I edited two separate clips together (again, mad blogging skills, people!) but the end result was too big to upload directly into Blogger and actually still needed to be compressed (COMPRESSED! I even know the lingo!) so that it would upload into YouTube in less than a million hours.)

Hope you all are doing well! That's all for now!

A Progress Report

First things first. I am sleepy, sugar-fueled, and frankly, a tad grumpy. I probably have no business writing a blog post at this time. But it's that or wash the dishes, so here I am!

I would secretly (well, not so secretly anymore, hmm) love to think that I have some sort of audience out there nervously chewing off their fingernails as they wait for the next installment of updates on our lives and/or Part Two of Stephanie's Meandering Thoughts on How To Be A Better Person. But, fortunately, there is still some rationality tucked up somewhere in some little-used corner of my brain, and that rationality is calmly confident that neither audience nor nervous chewing exists. All the same, I feel I owe someone an explanation about the lack-of-posting that has happened lately. Again. So, here is your explanation: 1. I am lazy. 2. Our lives really aren't that exciting. That's all! Also, it is absolutely going to happen again! Probably right after this post! So if any one of my imaginary audience-members should ever find themselves wondering, hey, what's up with Stephanie, she hasn't posted in forever... just remember: Lazy! Not Exciting Anyway! And, for my part, I promise (for as long as I remember) to never waste your time writing out another excuse again. Agreed? Excellent! Moving on...

Believe it or not, it is February 17th, and I have not forgotten my resolutions! Not that I have made a lot of progress on them, but I still remember what they are! Let's be honest, that's an incredible feat for me. In the interest of accountability, here is a progress (or not) report:

Resolution 1: Make all doctor appointments
I made an appointment with my primary care physician and with Eden's cardiologist. I also found out that Eden's next well-baby appointment isn't until she's two, so we're good for awhile there. And Pete and I decided to hold off on the ophthalmologist visit for a bit longer too. I actually had my appointment with my primary care physician this morning, and it is the main reason I'm feeling grumpy. It did not go well - it was basically an exercise in why I hate doctor's appointments anyway with a little our-health-care-system-leaves-much-to-be-desired thrown in for good effect. Nothing was resolved, and I will NOT be going back. To any doctor. Ever again. Okay, I jest. I will still make my appointments with my OB/GYN, an eye doctor, and the dentist. But that's it! Can we call that progress, please?

Resolution 2: Develop a habit of reading the Bible every day
Well, I'm definitely not at every day yet. But I'm better than before! Slow progress is being made, and I'm hopeful that it will continue.

Resolution 3: Eat better and exercise more

[crickets chirping]

Resolution 4: Learn to live counter-culturally and not be (as much of) a consumer
Again, slow progress is being made. I'm still thinking about it A LOT. I would like to move a little more into an acting phase, but I also don't want to just do something so that I can say I did it. I want it to mean something - to flow out of what I actually believe to be true and valuable. I have selected a book by Mother Teresa to begin reading (as soon as I finish the parenting book I'm working on). It was recommended by several friends so I'm excited to read it. I also question my purchases more now too - not just, is this economical? But, do I really need this? And what do I need it for? Am I trying to buy happiness or fill an actual need? Honestly, sometimes I recognize that I'm trying to buy happiness, and I do it anyway. Because frankly, in that moment I just don't have the strength of character to want to be different. I read an interesting quote today - the author (Frederica Mathewes-Green) said, "Everyone wants to be transformed, but nobody wants to change." I can strongly identify with that statement.

Peter and I also did some talking awhile back and decided to give up our tenth anniversary trip to Hawaii. Instead, we're giving the money to organizations working in Haiti to serve the people who are suffering so profoundly following the earthquake. I'd love to tell you that it was an easy decision, but it wasn't. I still feel sad about it sometimes and want to throw a pity-party. (I've discovered lately that I am EXCEPTIONALLY good at pity parties. Seriously, I can put on a gold-medal performance, people.) But when I think about what those women and children in Haiti have to accept - have to endure - I am ashamed. I think again, too, about those people in The Hunger Games, whose hearts have been hardened to suffering and who think no further than their own entertainment while children are dying in front of them. I don't want to be one of those people. Peter said it made him a little sad too, but also reminded him about the Baileys in It's A Wonderful Life - how George Bailey always has these plans to get out of Bedford Falls and see the world, and how he always chooses to set those plans aside to do what is right and show compassion toward others. I don't remember everything Pete said, but I do know that at the end he said something along the lines of, "it's a better way to live".

And really, that's what I'm hoping to find: a better way to live. I wish that I could find that better way through some sort of painless transformation, but I have a feeling that it's going to look a lot more like slow, pokey, old change. The occasionally painful kind. The hard-to-welcome kind.

Today is Ash Wednesday. It's the first day of Lent. I honestly don't know much about Lent - it was not part of the Christian traditions that I grew up with. But from what I can tell, if there is ever a time in the year to do some honest, determined self-reflection, this is the time. This is also the time to think deeply about the ways my God is calling me to serve the world around me. And this is the time to remember that we have each been given a "cup," and that we are called to share in the sufferings of Christ, just as He bore the suffering of the world.

I don't have a good way to end this post except to add two thought-provoking verses that I stumbled across when trying to find the prayer Jesus prayed about His "cup" in the Garden of Gethsemane. Good meditations for Lent, I think!

"And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward." --Matthew 10:42

"Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean." --Matthew 23:25-26

Testing, Testing

Hello?

Is anyone out there? Did the great blog migration of 2009 conclude successfully or am I now writing into a void? Truth be told, when I compose my posts I often feel like I'm writing into a void - and I actually kind of like it that way. It gives the process that cathartic "dear diary" feeling. I just always have to go back and make sure that I didn't write anything too embarrassing before I publish the post. I figure if what I write passes the mom-check and boss-check, I'm golden.

So, I changed the blog name, url, and a little bit of the layout. What do you think? For those of you who normally read your blog posts like I do - straight from Google Reader - things might look pretty different from the last time you visited "in-person." I'm not too certain about the colors honestly - they seem a bit garish to me sometimes. But I also wanted something a little fun and upbeat. Plus, I can always change it later. (If you all hate it, let me know and that later can be a little sooner.)

I decided to change the name for a few basic reasons: 1) I'm starting a new chapter in my life which I'm partially celebrating (and recording) through renewed blogging endeavors, and I think new chapter+renewed blog=new blog name, 2) I decided I'd rather have a title that's a bit more anonymous, and 3) the old title was boring. I'm not the best at coming up with creative names though so I just scribbled down ideas as they came to me over a few days and then had Peter, and my friend Megan, give me feedback on what they liked best.

The chosen title comes from a favorite e.e. cummings quote, "The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful." Now, you should know, poetry and poets are one of the greatest mysteries on earth to me. Seriously. I never understand poetry. And poets seem even more incomprehensible to me most of the time. Their brains just work in very different ways or something, I don't know. I mention this because I have no idea what mr. e.e. cummings really meant by his quote. It probably has some secret genius significance or symbolism that went right over my head. And that's fine. Because I've developed a very egocentric approach to poetry (and with all other art): in my opinion, at the end of the day, all that matters is what it means to me.

I am a person who looks at the world and sees a lot of mud and puddles. I like to say that I'm like Eeyore. (Peter says I'm really a mix of Eeyore, Rabbit, and Piglet, but Eeyore is lovable in his gloominess while Rabbit and Piglet are basically basket-cases most of the time, so I think I'll just stick with Eeyore, thank-you-very-much.) I will never be an optimist. It's just not in my nature. But all the same, I have a certain fascination with optimism. And hope - dear, sweet, precious, hope - is one of my favorite forms of grace. So while I'm okay with my mud puddle tendencies (well, some of the time), I truly want to be a person who sees beauty and joy and hope in the world around me too. This world is not as it should be, not as it was meant to be, but there is still a glory in it - not just in the mountains and stars, but also in the mud and the puddles. And that's where I am most of the time, down here in the dust and the dirt and the mud and the puddles. And I just don't want to miss the wonder of it.

Blog 2.0

So I think I'm going to give the ol' blog a new name here soon. Unfortunately, that means the url really needs to change too - however, I suspect the vast majority of you are going to get an error message the next time you try to visit this page if I just change the url without any sort of heads up.

Sooooo, here's what I hope my new blog url will be: http://puddlewonderfulworld.blogspot.com. It won't work right now obviously - unless someone else registers that blog address before I do, which is always possible. The above was actually my fourth or fifth choice, so hopefully it won't get taken like my first few did. I believe I could create a new blog with that address now and save it, and then copy this blog over to it later, but who wants to do all that work?? I just want to type in a new title and address and be done. In other words, I'm lazy.

I plan to try to make the official changes tomorrow. Hopefully I won't lose any of you in the process. I will also be updating my facebook page with the new url, so if we're fb friends, feel free to check there if necessary - or even just e-mail or message me, and I'll send you the new info. I won't tell you the new title now, but some of you might be able to make a guess based on the address. At any rate, I'll give a little explanation behind it tomorrow.

See you then!!

Comment Away!

Okay, so I just figured out how to change the settings on this blog so that anyone can post a comment - you no longer have to sign up for a Google account! (Sorry I figured this out a bit too late for you, mom - hope it wasn't too much trouble.) Of course, if I start getting a lot of spam-type comments or crazies, I reserve the right to revert to the previous settings. I get enough of that (the crazies, anyway) at work. If you remember though, please choose the Name/URL option (you don't actually have to enter anything into the URL field) instead of the Anonymous option when commenting. I'd like to know who is saying what as much as possible - makes it easier to spot the troublemakers. :)

P.S. I did this just for you, Leida. :)

A Time for Everything

Well, I still can't believe I'm actually doing this, but I've decided to start a blog. The reason for this decision is that, as many of you already know, we are expecting an increase in our family soon - and since basically all of our family and many of our friends live at least halfway across the country, I thought it might be nice to have a spot where they could all go for updates on our little one (as well as our lives in general) and maybe see some pictures, etc. Surely a blog will be easier, more accessible, and better in general than constantly sending out mass e-mails. And wouldn't you rather just have a blog to check whenever you felt like it than a bunch of e-mails floating around your inbox? That's what I thought. Plus, you can't send many pictures over e-mail anyway - and I anticipate the grandparents especially wanting to see a lot of baby pictures.

So, anyway - there you have it. I have joined the blogging world - something I never thought I would do. The timing may be extra appropriate though since yesterday I bought a cell phone, which was also something I never thought I would do. But after locking myself out of the house several times in a row in the last month alone (as a result of pregnancy-induced scatterbrain, which I'm sure you'll hear more about later), a cell phone started to seem like a good idea. Since I already have an i-Pod and enjoy my share of beverages from Starbucks, I guess the cell phone and blog might just officially cement my status as a twenty-something American consumer. Well, there's no going back now!

Additional thoughts: I shamelessly admit that I am totally copying the idea, layout, theme and everything else for this blog off my friend, Katie Hardee. See The Hardees for a look at what I'm talking about. Although, on second thought, maybe you shouldn't go there because that may set your expectations a bit too high for what this blog will ever turn out to be. Also, Stephanie and Somebody is still in existence and not going away anytime soon (that I know of)! So no worries on that front. I just didn't want to invade Peter's space or in any way diminish that blog's reputation for humor+deep theological insights. While I'm sure I'll relate some funny stories here from time to time, the deep theological insights will be kept to a minimum - or maybe just non-existent. Mostly because I don't have any (that's why I married a theologian, people - to do my thinking for me).

Okay, well it's time to see if I can make this posting thing actually work. Tune back in for more updates soon!