Betcha didn't know...

Awhile back I was tagged by a friend and was therefore supposed to share 7 things on my blog that most people probably wouldn't know about me. It's not too hard to think of 7 things that most people don't know. It's really hard to think of 7 things that anyone would really care to know. Simply put, my life's just not that interesting.

But I have 30 minutes until Eden wakes up from her nap so let's see how fast I can put this list together. Hmmm.... thinking, thinking....

1. I married my first real boyfriend/first real kiss. What I'm not counting: the boy I kissed on the cheek on the school bus on our way home from kindergarten, and the boy in eighth grade whom I agreed to "go out" with via a friend on Friday afternoon and then broke up with (again through the same friend) on Monday morning without speaking with or seeing once in between. There are pros and cons to marrying your first boyfriend (I've made ALL my relationship mistakes with him, but have no other relational baggage, etc.), but hey, we'll have been married 8 1/2 years a week from today, so I guess it worked out pretty well!

2. I love cemeteries. I always wanted to live next to one, and I got proposed to in one. I know it sounds morbid, but I just think they're really neat pieces of history. And they're places of deep significance to so many people. One of the houses I lived in growing up actually had 3 Civil War era graves in the field behind it. So cool.

3. The sound of metal scraping on glass, porcelain, or other similar materials makes my teeth hurt. My parents own a set of dinner plates that I absolutely cannot bear to eat off of because of the noise a fork makes against them. I'm sure a lot of people don't like that kind of noise, but is the teeth hurting thing normal? What's that all about anyway?

4. Along similar lines, the blue Otter Pops make me cough. Actually the blue flavor of any brand of those ice pops (Fla-Vor-Ice, generic, etc.) makes me cough. I must be allergic to the dye or something, I don't know. It just makes my throat really itchy. But only the blue ones. And only in those kind of pops - not in any other kind of candy or desert that I know of.

Eeeek!! Only ten minutes left! And I'm running out of ideas...

5. I once had a cut on my finger stitched up by my dog's vet. To make a long story short: I worked for this vet in high school, cut my thumb really deeply while opening a container of cat food, refused to go to the hospital because I had just been there after a car accident and did NOT want to go back, and my vet was kind of excited to try stitching up a human being. So I got 3 stitches in my thumb. It went totally fine except my thumb wouldn't numb very well so I could feel the needle most of the time. Still better than going to the ER!!

6. I once put a fishhook through my brother's ear. Imagine you're a little girl who just learned how to cast a fishing rod and you want to practice casting off the end of your grandpa's dock. Now imagine that you are that little girl's older brother who is standing at the end of the dock, and that your sister just nicely asked you to move so that she could practice casting. Hadn't you better move? Answer: YES, YOU'D BETTER.

7. I like luxury. I guess this one probably isn't very original or surprising - I mean most people like luxury, right? As a kid though I was a total tomboy and was always out tromping through the woods, getting dirty, etc. Now, I really don't like camping that much. I still really like being outdoors, I just want to come back to a nice cabin with like a jacuzzi and a big screen tv and a really good dinner waiting for me. In fact, awhile back I made a life list and one of the items on it was that I wanted to stay in the best room of the Ritz-Carlton someday. Or some sort of penthouse-style room that celebrity-types stay in. It's not that I like extravagance - I think I'm actually a pretty simple girl - I just really like being comfortable (and lazy). Don't know if that distinction actually makes sense.

Okay, there you have it! Seven things about me that you probably never knew before. I'm not going to tag anyone else, but if you see this and have a blog, I hope you're inspired to share your own seven things. Or, you can do like my other friend and just share a list of things you're thankful for. Probably a better idea actually.

Grief

Jesus wept. (John 11:35)

This is one of those posts that could get away from me very easily, but I intend to try my hardest to make it as short and to the point as possible. I've been thinking a lot about grief lately - partially because of some recent personal experiences, but mostly from watching new friends walk through a gut-wrenching loss. I have led a very blessed life. I've had sorrows and disappointments, but until a few years ago I'd never truly experienced grief. And then in July of last year Peter and I lost our first baby in a miscarriage at the beginning of the 15th week of my pregnancy. How we wanted that baby! We had tried for over a year to get pregnant and had excitedly and impatiently waited through the first trimester for the time when it would be "safe" to share the news with the world. We moved to a 2-bedroom apartment so that we could have a nursery. We started thinking about names. We spent time dreaming about what it would be like to be parents, wondering whose personality our little one would take after, which side of the family he or she would most resemble in appearance.

I don't intend to get into the details of the very long and horrible night of our miscarriage. Simply put, there was a moment when I sat alone in the very early hours of a summer morning and faced the horrendous realization that the baby we had loved and anticipated and planned for had died, and there was nothing, nothing, nothing I could do to take that back or change it. I remember that exact moment very clearly. It was probably one of the most difficult of my life so far. In what could only have been a second or two I tried to wrap my mind around this horrible information, and then was immediately hit with the thought that I now had to go, wake up my sweet husband who was sleeping peacefully in the next room, and break his heart.

The point of this post isn't about my grief in that moment, but actually what happened next. I remember thinking clearly (who knows, I may have even said it out loud), I CANNOT do this. I CANNOT bear this. But as soon as I said it I absolutely knew two things. First of all, I was not alone. The God in whom I trusted my life was there with me, loving me. Secondly, and in some ways more importantly, He grieved. My heartbreak was just a miniature reflection of His own. He wasn't just there bearing MY burden. He too grieved. For me. For my baby - His beautiful creation. For a death, a severing of relationship, that He never intended and never wanted. I firmly believe that the God of the universe, the Maker of everything, loved my baby enough to sit with me in a tiny apartment bathroom on an early Monday morning and weep.

It is in no way my intention to get into the problem of pain here. If you were to ask me that morning if I thought God could have prevented my miscarriage I would have said yes. I would say yes today. I don't know why He didn't. But I have no doubt that He loves my child, and I have no doubt that He weeps with those who weep and mourns with those who mourn - not just as a Friend, not even just as a Comforter, but as one who suffers, and as one who feels more than any of us the sorrow of death. As King David once said about his own lost child, "I will go to him, but he will not return to me." Someday I too will get to meet this first child of mine and all my wonderings and longings will be satisfied. Until then I know my baby is safe - more than safe - in the arms of Someone who grieves our every pain and who loves beyond all our imaginings.

Calling All Moms

Whew! Ok, that thing I said about Eden sleeping/napping well in the previous post? I have to take that back. A couple nights ago she woke up at about 12:45 am to eat, then tossed and turned in her bassinet until 1:30ish when she decided, enough with sleep, it was time to wake up. So she babbled and smiled and squealed at me for another hour or so and finally dropped back off to sleep at 3 am. At 4:45 am she was back up again, then 6:30 am, with very little real sleeping in between. I finally got her to sleep from 8 to 10, and then tried to put her down for another nap at around noon (when she started acting tired), but she would have none of it. Crying in her crib, crying in her swing, crying when I held her, you get the idea. I'm pretty sure she wasn't sick or anything (although possibly teething), just tired and out of sorts and very sleep-resistant. It was just one of those days (or nights, I guess). The last two nights have been much better but getting her to nap during the day has become an enormous challenge. In fact, I recently had a never-made-it-out-of-my-pajamas day which I thought I had put behind me with her first few weeks.

Anyway, the point of this blog isn't actually about Eden sleeping, but about what to do when she's not sleeping. To put it simply, we're bored! She's at the age where she's definitely beyond just sitting and looking at things, but still too small to sit up or have the manual dexterity to manipulate toys very much. The few toys she has (rattles and teether types) are boring to both of us (after playing with them every day for weeks). I try to take her on walks (when I make it out of my pajamas), but that doesn't fill all her activity time. She doesn't really like her swing or bouncy seat anymore. So... what to do? I've never been that creative, and I'm definitely out of ideas for keeping her entertained (and you know, learning and developing and stuff :) ). If any of you moms out there have some suggestions, I would love to hear them! In the meantime, I will try to think of more ways to make funny noises as that always seems to be one of her favorite things.

A Sad Heart

Peter and I had our first date night last night (thanks, Latshaws, for babysitting!). Unfortunately, it wasn't too fun. We went for a short walk and had dinner at a nice Mexican restaurant, and Peter tried (with some success) to keep us from talking about Eden the whole time, but my heart just wasn't in it.

In many ways it's been a good week. Eden has been napping/sleeping well, we had fun eating pizza and watching election coverage on Tuesday with friends, the weather has been beautiful, everyone is healthy, etc. But my heart has been heavy lately, mostly because of some difficult situations currently being faced by friends, acquaintances, and even some relative strangers. Sometimes it just seems like the world is too full of bad news, injustice, suffering, and grief, and it's about all I can take. And ever since having Eden I've been particularly sensitive to any suffering experienced by children and the consequent grief and agony experienced by their parents. This week has been full of bad news of the latter sort and some of these situations look to get worse before the week is over. I'm sure there are happier days in store and happier experiences to enjoy ahead, but for right now I just feel heartbroken and low and sad about the world in general.

A Month of Happenings

Man oh man, I'm behind on updating this thing! I guess I'll just dive right in:

Eden officially turned 3 months old yesterday, November 1st! We celebrated by keeping her up way past her nap time and when she finally succumbed to exhaustion we went for a walk and got caramel apples and chocolate-covered honeycomb pieces. Yum! I just can't believe 3 months has passed already. Since the last time I posted she has had her first round of shots, giggled for the first time, learned to roll over from her back to her stomach (she could already do the reverse), begun to show a real interest in playing with toys (ok, mostly in chewing on them), been to a pumpkin patch, dressed up as an elephant, and become the proud owner of a brand new Christmas dress!

It is so much fun to buy her cute clothes. I thought I would really have to talk Peter into buying the dress with the rationale that we need it early for the Christmas card photo, but the second I made the suggestion he was ready to go. We actually went through the Macy's infant section together comparing all the cute dresses and discussing the pros and cons of each. There are surely few things in this world more fun than watching my husband seriously and carefully debate between a rose-colored dress with embroidered flowers and a satiny red Christmas dress, both in sizes that are still too small to fit many of Eden's teddy bears. (I couldn't find a picture of the red dress online which is too bad because it is the cutest thing ever and what we finally decided to buy.)

Eden took her shots like a champ. She screamed when the nurse put the needle in her chubby little legs then immediately quieted down when Daddy picked her up. Previous to that she had been smiling at the pediatrician and nurses and not complaining a bit about the exam. The nurse who gave her the shots said it was the worst part of her job. I can definitely believe that!

The first giggle happened a few nights ago when daddy was playing with her and tickled her neck. We now proceed to act like fools on a regular basis to try to get her to giggle again.

Eden's learning to roll over onto her stomach feels a bit like a mixed blessing. We're glad that she's showing another positive sign of physical development but I kind of wish she would have waited awhile on this one. She now immediately flips to her stomach anytime we place her in her crib or co-sleeper to sleep, which as all new parents are told time and time again, is a big no-no due to the risk of SIDS. It only took about two naps though for me to realize there was no point in trying to constantly flip her back over, so now we just let her be and pray even harder for her health and safety. I do sometimes think the whole SIDS thing is over-emphasized to new parents. I definitely believe in health education (that's what my undergraduate degree is in after all), but for something that is relatively rare and for which there is little anyone can do about, it sure gets a lot of press. All of which results in a lot of temptation to worry - but I'm determined to not give into it!!

We took Eden to a big pumpkin patch a few weeks ago and that's where she wore her elephant costume for the first time. Peter posted some pictures on his blog. She also wore the costume on Halloween for a little trick-or-treating and children's parade in the town of Sierra Madre. Those pictures (as well as pictures of me carving my first pumpkin ever) are still on the camera, but I'll try to get some posted soon. She wasn't too fond of her costume at the pumpkin patch (but it was in the 90's then, so who can blame her), but she seemed content enough to wear it all through our Halloween events, while strapped to Peter's chest in the baby bjorn. She got lots of comments from passers-by on her cuteness and was the only baby elephant I saw in what must have been hundreds of children.

I had a bunch of other things that I wanted to mention, but as I've been working on this post in spurts between household tasks and taking care of Eden, I've forgotten most of them. So I think I'll just go ahead and put this up and hopefully find time to post more often as the other thoughts and events come back to me.

Happy November everyone!