In Which "Better Late Than Never" Becomes My Life Verse

True confessions: I knew, I knew, that blogging regularly would be just as challenging for me as running/training regularly would be, and I was right.  I WAS RIGHT! (It's always nice when you can turn a confession into a defense of your own rightness.  I'm liking this.  I might try it again.)  Fortunately, I can say that I am doing a better job with the running than the blogging, and in the end, that's probably the more important piece to this whole half-marathon training gig, wouldn't you say?  The post below I actually started weeks and weeks ago, but never finished, and obviously, never posted.  I'm posting it now because I cannot bear for any blogging time to go to waste when I accomplish it so rarely, AND in the hope that it will jump-start future blogging.  This is unlikely I know, but we do what we can, right?  So, without further ado, a really old post!

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This morning (drumroll please)... This morning I ran 5 miles!**  And I ran it at a faster average pace than any of my previous "long" runs!  I am over the moon about this.  Seriously, it was just the bit of encouragement that I had been needing lately.  (The last few weeks have felt pretty sluggish running-wise even though I've been keeping up with the training for the most part.)

After I was finished I met up with Peter and the kids at the park where they had been playing on the playground and riding their bike/tricycle.  I kept telling the kids over and over again, "You guys, I ran 5 miles this morning!  And I ran it in under an 11-minute mile pace!  This is really good for me!  Don't you think that's really good?"  Finally, Peter had to break in and say, "I don't really think all these numbers mean anything to them."  Annnnd, he was right.  The five-year-old and the one-year-old were simply not that impressed.  (This was Eden's first time riding her brand new big-girl bike someplace other than our driveway, and I think Asher's first time riding the tricycle at all.  Running 5 miles will lose to new bikes every time.  Obviously.)

In other news, summer vacation is kicking my posterior.  I knew when I decided to take on training/fundraising that it would require sacrificing some free time.  I thought through what that might look like and tried to prepare accordingly.  I should have done the same thing for summer vacation.  I way over-committed myself to projects/goals this summer while simultaneously forgetting that having two kids home every day, all day, (one of whom does not like to nap, but does really, really like to talk) would mean an end to most, if not all, personal and/or free time.  I have now become that stereotype mom who goes to the bathroom just to be alone (or daydream about being alone, which is perhaps, more often the case).  That being said, there is also a lot to say for the awesomeness of not having to get everyone up and ready and out the door every morning.  Also, my poor son, who had to be woken up out of almost every nap during the school year to go with me to pick his sister up from school, can apparently regularly nap for 2-3 hours if people will just leave him alone.  The poor kid got about half that if he was lucky during the previous 7 or 8 months.  I feel bad for both of us.

But enough about me!  Once, a long time ago, I promised to post more about Heartline and what exactly it is that they do - so on to that!

If you've looked through Heartline's website, or even read through my fundraising page, some of this will be old news to you, but I wanted to put it on my blog anyway, for those who haven't made it that far. So here's a bit of the story of how Heartline got started, in their own words:

Heartline Ministries is a 501(c)(3) faith based organization formed to operate an orphanage, women’s program, and other programs in Port-au-Prince Haiti. The organization was established in September of 2000 to formalize the independent work of John and Beth McHoul, who are the founding directors of the organization. John and Beth have been working in Haiti since 1989.

Our approach deals with the whole person, so Heartline is involved in many humanitarian, educational and faith-based activities.

In 2007, we started our women’s program. The women’s program currently houses our Sewing, Beading, Cooking, and Literacy programs. Although classes vary in duration most women stay in the programs for about a year. Once they master their crafts they also have the chance to sell their items both online and at our two merchandise stores in Haiti. The ultimate goal of the program is to empower women to take control of their lives emotionally, spiritually, and financially.

As we worked with orphans we realized that a great unfilled need was maternal care. Many babies and children become orphans due to inadequate or absent medical care for expecting mothers. In many cases simple procedures and proper care would have prevented these deaths and thereby the orphans. There are lots of orphanages in Haiti. There are far less maternity clinics. So in 2009, our Maternity Center was brought to reality with a very busy birthing room and classrooms where both pre-natal and post-birth child development classes are taught weekly. We have 2 full-time RNs and 3 midwives on staff and many others who have a heart for the program who are a great help! We hope to expand our program with a second clinic. We’ve also had other missionaries from different parts of the world come to study our program.

On January 12, 2010 everything changed as a devastating earthquake destroyed most of Port Au Prince. Millions were killed, injured, or made homeless. By the grace of God, our facilities experienced minor damage and none of the people working for Heartline were seriously injured.

We responded immediately by transforming the maternity center into an emergency clinic where we performed major surgeries and helped hundreds of people recover. We were one of the few places in the city that could function so quickly after the earthquake due to the experienced group of missionaries and medical professionals and their diligent work. After about a year we were able to resume full time maternity services.

In 2013 we added a men’s discipleship and bakery program to our ministries. We have been blessed to see 10 Haitian men develop new business skills and develop a deeper relationship with Christ and their Christian brothers.

We haven’t forgotten about the children in Haiti. We have several types of support and camp programs throughout the year.

As an organization, our size and commitment has made us a very effective organization. Currently, 90% of the organizations expenses are spent on the ground in Haiti.

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The above is a good introduction to the work that Heartline does, but I know what motivates me the most are the stories of the men, women, and children of Haiti, and their perseverance and courage in the face of some pretty difficult life circumstances. Should I ever blog again, I will try to share some of those stories with you.

**I ran 7.5 miles yesterday, by the way.  Again, with an average pace (just) under 11 minutes per mile.  If there is such a thing as an everyday miracle, then this surely is an example of one.

Thanks for your support, friends!

"Hope" Is The Thing With Feathers*: On Being A Songbird

 Photo: "Who Taught That Redwing Blackbird How to Fly" by freshelectrons is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.

This morning I ran 3.6 miles!  Only 9.5 miles to go.  The last half mile was pretty rough, but I made it, slowly, one foot in front of the other.

At one point near the end of my run, the song I was listening to on my phone came to an end and there was a long stretch of silence before the next song began.  I really dislike those stretches of silence sometimes - at the end of my long runs I rely on the music to keep me going, to keep me focused, to keep my mind off how much everything hurts.  In the silence I hear my labored breathing, hear the sounds of my feet smacking the hard ground, hear the noise of traffic or construction or other people's conversations.  With the music it is easier for me to run with purpose, without it running often feels a lot more like work.

Today however, just as I started to groan inwardly at how long the next song was taking to begin, a new sound caught my ear.  I was running through a park and the songbirds were really making "a joyful noise" in the trees on one side of me.  I smiled immediately because I love the sound of birds singing (who doesn't?), and this morning their commotion sounded very much like boisterous voices cheering me on as I ran.

I love songbirds.  I love waking up in the morning, while it is still dark, and hearing them singing outside my window - announcing, without any alarm clock, the impending arrival of a new day.  I especially love that first morning, near the end of a long winter (and this winter was the longest, wasn't it?) when you first hear their voices.  To me, someone who struggles deeply in winter with its short days and long nights, those first early morning songs are the sound of hope - the reminder that this too shall pass and that if I can hold on just a little longer, I will once again be surrounded by a world of light and warmth.

It struck me this morning as I ran that Christians are called to the same purpose as songbirds.  We are called to be the heralds of the Light of the World, singing a song of hope and courage to those still sitting in darkness.  Often I listen to the news or read the headlines, and I feel so disheartened, discouraged by the seemingly great ocean of evil and hatred and suffering all around me.  But this morning I felt encouraged, invigorated by the gentle reminder that we are called to be the harbingers of Good News to a world that is waiting, often in hopelessness and despair, just as the songbirds are the harbingers of spring and of a new dawn to those of us who cannot yet feel it or see it.  The birds don't feel it or see it yet either, but they know it is coming, and they sing out their joyful song in the beautiful way they were created to do.  We, too, will soon enjoy the light and beauty of a glorious (and eternal!) spring day, but first we must usher it in as songbirds in the darkness of a waning night.

It is is said that Pheidippides ran the first marathon in Greece from a battlefield to the city of Athens to announce the victory of the Greeks over the Persians in a military conflict.  (The fable goes on to say that he then collapsed and died, which is why I am running a half-marathon, people.  HALF-marathon.)  I'll be running my race in October because I want to join with the staff and volunteers at Heartline Ministries in being a forerunner of hope to the people of Haiti, announcing a victory that is finished even as they wait, and the advent of a Kingdom of Peace to those who have known much more of loss and violence than I can ever imagine.

It takes courage and perseverance to be a forerunner.  It takes faith to be a songbird.  It takes eyes to see what the Creator is about to reveal, and it takes the courage to sing out the Good News of the victory of the Unconquerable Son to a world still shrouded in darkness.

So to the songbirds of this world: Take heart!  We hear you.  Your voice makes a difference, and when we hear it, we have hope.

And to those who feel worn out and alone, tired of waiting, tired of enduring:  I know it has been a long winter, the longest night.  But close your eyes and listen: "the birds their carol raise."  The Light of the World is coming!  Dawn is almost here!

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I can't end a post about songbirds without including a link to one of my all-time favorite songs ever: Redwing by Hem.  Listen and enjoy!

Redwing

Hey, was that you floating past the tree line?
Hey, was that a feather in your hand?
No, I don't mean to ask these questions
I don't mean to rush your heart
I swear I saw this accidentally
No, I don't mean to start

Hey, the rain falls straight into the sidewalk
Hey, the clouds hang heavy in the sky
But I don't want to still believe in
The gravity of solid ground
The world below is not so big
That it can keep us down

We are standing on the rooftops
We are circling like sparrows
We are tiny, we are trembling
Scared of everything
But the heart is still a redwing

Fly above the houses and the schoolyards
And fly until you cannot feel the Earth
No, I don't mean that it's so easy
And I don't mean that it's so small
But the world below is not so mean
That it can make us fall

We are standing on the rooftops
We are circling like sparrows
We are tiny, we are trembling
Scared of everything
But the heart is still a redwing

Songwriters
Daniel R. Messe

Published by
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

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*"Hope" is the thing with feathers - (314) by Emily Dickinson

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On October 19th of this year, I will be running the St. Louis Rock-n-Roll Half-Marathon with the goal of raising $5,000 for Heartline Ministries and the women of Port-au-Prince, Haiti.  If you would like to support me in my efforts, please visit my Pure Charity fundraising page for more information!  Thank you!

Finding My Race

I have spent a lot of time thinking about what to say in this post (There are so many thoughts! Too many thoughts.), but I can't seem to come up with any kind of coherent outline in my head, so I am just going to wing it and hope for the best.

First things first: A few nights ago I registered for a half-marathon.  And no, I do not mean registered to hand out water cups on the sidelines of a half-marathon.  I mean I registered to run a half-marathon.

I think the vast majority of people who will ever read this post know me pretty well.  I am not a runner.  Not anywhere near that kind of runner at any rate.  I have run three 5K's in my life: one in college, one in my twenties in California, and one a few years ago, just a few weeks before finding out I was pregnant with Asher.  I struggled mightily through each of those races, finishing red-faced and gasping for air in the back, the way back, of the pack.  I've mostly-walked/slightly-jogged two Color Runs since then.  And that's it.  Since being pregnant with my now almost-two year old son, I've exercised almost not at all.  No running, no walking, no gym, no anything.  I am not an athlete.  I have zero coordination (cannot clap and sing at the same time, people), and I have a very low pain tolerance.  So, why on earth am I running a half-marathon?

I have a feeling this will be a question I ask myself a lot over the next 170ish days, to be honest, so for my own sake, here we go...

Back in California I was fortunate enough to meet two very amazing women, "the Sarahs" as they were called in our circle of friends.  The Sarahs were the kind of people I wanted to be when I grew up.  More specifically, and more importantly for me at that time, they were each the kind of woman I wanted to be. I didn't know them very well, but because I found them inspiring, I paid attention to what they did.  I took notes, in a way, on what living a courageous, beautiful, giving life could look like. At some point or another, in person or online, I honestly don't remember at all, one of the Sarahs mentioned an organization they had worked with in Haiti, called Heartline.  At the time it was completely insignificant to me, but the name was filed away in some small brain cell of mine, not to be thought of again for a very long time.

Then on January 12, 2010, an earthquake rocked Haiti and suddenly everyone was talking about this tiny country less than 700 miles from Miami, Florida - a country that I knew of predominantly because of the work the Sarahs did there.  Through their updates,  I heard the name Heartline again, and this time also, Livesay, the name of a family that lived in Haiti and worked at Heartline.  The Livesays, it turned out, had a blog, and through their blog I read about the field hospital that Heartline had set up to help those injured in the earthquake.  I read posts here and there as I was able, but then time passed, the earthquake and Haiti faded from the news, and I was distracted by life, specifically by the event of moving my small family from California to a small Illinois town just north of St. Louis, Missouri.  I forgot about the blog, forgot about Heartline, forgot, in large part, about Haiti.

Over three years later, last fall, I started thinking about Haiti again.  I don't know why.  I remembered the Sarahs and the Livesays, and I went back to their blog and read a few posts.  Then I read a few more.  And then, for some reason that even I don't understand, I went back to the very beginning of the blog and read the entire thing - every single post - from November 2005 through the present.  Tara Livesay is a great writer and the story of her family's move to Haiti and all the ups and downs of their life there was an incredibly engaging one, but it wasn't a short story by any means, and it took me nearly 6 months to read it through from beginning to end.

Somewhere a long the line I fell in love with their family and their story.  I fell in love with the story of Heartline and the work Heartline is doing in Haiti.  Most importantly, I fell in love with Haiti - especially the women and children of Haiti.  I intend to tell you much more about Heartline and Haiti, but this post is already very long, so those details and stories will be shared in later posts.  The most important piece to share right now is that while Heartline serves the people of Port-au-Prince in a number of ways, one of their biggest efforts is in the area of maternal health.  Heartline's Maternity Center "is a place where expectant mothers can find medical care and support, education, safe and sanitary conditions, and respect for them and their babies."*

I cannot tell you how important this cause has become to me.  Perhaps it is because pregnancy and the postpartum period have always been difficult for me, full of sadness and fear and doubt.  Perhaps it is because I read through the Livesay's blog while caring for my own infant son.  I'm not sure.  What I am sure of is that over the last year God has been doing something in me, and that courageous, beautiful, giving life that I always admired from a distance now seems like something maybe I can actually know for myself.  And surprisingly, I don't think it was ever that far off to begin with, but right in front of me the whole time, tucked inside a short little verse that I've heard throughout my life. "Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Matthew 22:37-39)

Haiti, the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, is the geographical neighbor of the United States.  The people of Haiti are our neighbors.  The women of Haiti are my neighbor.  Somehow, through the grace of God, I've come to care about what happens to them.  It's important to me that they have a safe, respectful, love-filled place to go to receive prenatal care.  It's important to me that when the time comes to give birth, they are surrounded by people who are trained and prepared to encourage, support, and assist them - people who will cherish them and treat them as valuable - as worthy of care.

I am not a nurse nor a midwife.  I cannot directly provide the care that I know is so important to women hundreds of miles away from me.  But I can pray for them.  I can pray for Heartline.  And I can support the women of Haiti and the work of Heartline by bringing attention to their cause and by helping raise the funds needed to provide the resources and care that I would want for my family and for myself - for anyone I love.

So, on October 19th of this year, I am running a half-marathon in St. Louis to raise money for Heartline Ministries.  As I mentioned already, I have a lot more to share: more details about the work Heartline does, more stories about the women and staff, more information on my goals and hopes for fundraising.  I hope you will stick with me through these posts (I think I have repeatedly proved over the last few years that I am not a blogger, so they may not always be super engaging), and I hope you will stick by me as I try to do what it takes to run my race, literally and figuratively.  Mostly I hope you will hear my heart in all this, and God's heart too, and that all of our hearts will grow in love, as they were created to do.

*Taken with permission from Heartline's Maternity Center web page, which can be found here: http://heartlineministries.org/maternity-center/