10

Ten years ago today Peter and I got married.

He was 22 years old. I was 20.

At the time, I joked about our young age, saying that I agreed with Harry Burns, who declared, "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." I really meant it though. I still really mean it.

There was no way we could possibly have known what we were getting into of course - what our marriage was going to look like for the next ten years. What our lives were going to look like for the next ten years.

A cross-country move.
An empty bank account.
A graduate degree.
A three-year depression.
The abandonment of one plan and the search for another (and another and another).
Another empty bank account.
Another graduate degree.
The loss of our first child.
The birth of our second.
A leap of faith - just one of so many really.

I've spent so much time thinking about what to say in this post, but the truth is, there is just no way to encapsulate these ten years: what they have meant to me and how they've made me a better person, a more whole person. And, I hope, a more real person. In fact, I glance at that very inadequate summery list above, and I almost want to chuckle. Because a lot of it looks kind of terrible. And a lot of it was kind of terrible. And there were many times when laughing seemed impossible.

But, man oh man, if there's one thing these ten years have pounded into my brain it's that there's hope for the hopeless.

We've been hopeless. We are hopeless. But Hope just keeps finding us anyway, again and again and again.

And I'm almost positive I never would have seen that without Pete.

He gets up every morning and takes care of me. He makes me laugh. He pushes me to consider what I never would have considered and to do what I never would have dreamed I could do. He makes me feel beautiful - even in this post-pregnancy, post-sleep, post-exercise body. He endures my selfishness. He bears my burdens. He offers me grace and courage and forgiveness. He assures me that I matter. He also assures me that I'm loved, always, always, always. He hopes for better things, with me and for me. He gives me both space and companionship and does his best to discern which one I'm needing at the moment. And when that's all said and done, he is still up for watching a chick flick, scrubbing the bathtub, or killing a spider.

Ten years ago today I was still very much in the transition from childhood to adulthood. And God gave me exactly what I needed. His love has poured its light and warmth on me everyday through the words and actions of one of His most beautiful and amazing creations.

And especially today, I am awed and humbled and deeply, deeply grateful for this miraculous gift.

Happy anniversary, Pete. Thank you for showing me what love really is. And thank you for these last ten years. They've been perfect.