Flashback Friday: Pumpkin Patch Palooza

Somehow I accidentally published this post when all I had written was the title - sorry about that! Let's try this again.

Here are photos of Eden's first trip to a pumpkin patch from September 2008:

It was about 95 degrees that day.

We thought it would be fun to put her in her elephant costume while we were there. She didn't agree.

Tuckered out and ready to take a nap on Tia Luz.

I cannot believe how small she is in those photos! It's absolutely shocking to me how much she has changed.

We went to another pumpkin patch this past weekend:

You see that pyramid of hay bales in the background?

She probably would have gone all the way to the top if Peter hadn't decided it was time to turn around.

Time to pick out a pumpkin!

She kept trying to pick them up.

The search continues...

"Where's my pumpkin, mama?"

Finally she found one that was just right.

And so did we.

Funky Town

No Flashback Friday this week. I realized that I'm just not a prolific enough blogger to write more than one post a week on a regular basis, so if I try to do a Flashback post every Friday then pretty soon that's all my blog will be. So the Flashback Fridays will continue, but just on a periodic basis.

Peter had an unexpected day off work today. Mostly because he's been working non-stop with conferences and retreats and homecoming events, etc., etc. It's a very busy time of year for him. Even now, as he's sitting on the couch with me, he's reading a book to help prepare for the next unit in his Pastoral Theology class. I think he enjoys this book though - so I suppose that makes it seem less like work. (Have I ever mentioned that it's really cool to be married to a theologian? Because it is. I highly recommend it. Just make sure you get a good one.)

Peter slept in (a little bit - our definition of sleeping in has changed soooo much in the last year) and I got to take a late morning nap. Then, in the afternoon, we got a babysitter for Eden and went to see a movie. We saw Where The Wild Things Are. I enjoyed it although it didn't really seem like a kids movie to me too much. I think all the monsters in the movie would have benefited from a good therapy session actually. But still, I enjoyed the film overall, and it was fun to chat about it with Peter over some Panda Express in the mall food-court afterward. We drove home, played with the munchkin and then put her to bed, and now, as previously mentioned, we're enjoying some relaxation on the couch. And it's not even the weekend yet! Next up: the pumpkin patch. Probably on Sunday. There will be pictures.

This has been kind of a weird week. I've been in a funk. Part of that has been from being a little sleep-deprived. (The cats are at it again. They've started waking me up at 4:30 or 4:45 am because they want me to feed them, and they will harass me and keep me awake until that happens. If I feed them, then I feel like I'm just perpetuating this problem forever, but ignoring them also doesn't work. They will keep me awake until Eden wakes up at some point during the 5 o'clock hour - either because of the rough phase of teething she's been going through or because of the noise the cats are making. Oh - and if you are wondering why we just don't close the bedroom door to keep the cats out - it's because they'll make enough noise meowing and scratching at the door to wake me up anyway (I've become an especially light sleeper since Eden was born), and they are also much more likely to wake Eden up too, as her door is right next to ours. Anyway, if any of you all know a cat whisperer, please send him/her our way.) I'm still trying to figure out the rest of it.

Awhile ago a friend of mine asked how I was liking being a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I don't remember exactly how I replied, but it was definitely something positive. My friend then said something about being in the SAHM honeymoon period, and I wondered if that was true. Working full-time was torturous after Eden was born (because of me, not because of the job, just to be clear). Being able to stay home with her has been wonderful. Like Christmas vacation when you're a kid. That's not to say it has been easy. I've been oh so tired so much of the time. In addition to just always needing sleep, I've also found myself tired of the limitations of her schedule, of changing diapers, of trying to be eternally patient, and of trying to entertain a baby who sometimes is just in a funk herself. It's been really hard and anything but fun at times. BUT, being here with her, my heart has felt full. That's the only way I know to say it. When I was at work, things never felt settled, I always felt a bit out-of-sorts and discombobulated - even on the best days. At home, even when nothing's going right, I've felt like I'm where I'm supposed to be. You can take a lot of crap if you feel settled inside yourself.

Anyway, so being in a funk this week had me remembering my friend's words and wondering again if they were true. Had I just been in the SAHM honeymoon period up to this point? Had that worn off? Was this weird down feeling a sign of things to come? Would I soon feel as discontented and dissatisfied being at home as I felt at work? Was it just me??

When things finally fell in place for me to be able to stay home, I immediately made plans and set goals. (Naturally. Because this is how I deal with my world.) I decided that I wanted to approach the SAHM thing like a job in a way. I wanted to make the most of my time with Eden. I wanted to be the best mom and wife and home-manager. I didn't want to treat my time at home like one big long weekend where we stayed in our pajamas watching mindless television for hours on end, while the trash overflowed and dishes piled up in the sink. (Erm, not to say that our weekends before Eden were ever like that. In any way. Yeah....) I wanted to be productive. I wanted Eden to have lots of stimulating activities and fun experiences and just lots of good old-fashioned play time with mommy. I wanted to keep up on the household chores and shopping and cooking so that those things wouldn't pile up on us and become a stressful mountain of never-ending to-do-lists, constantly hanging over our heads like they often have been before (ESPECIALLY while I was doing the full-time job thing). I wanted to make a home that was warm and peaceful and the kind of place you'd want to spend time in, and come back to, and go to sleep in every night. So I made goals and signed up for storytime and playgroups and tried to get and stay organized.

But I've discovered that this approach also has its drawbacks. If all that I'm trying to do as a mom is my "job" - then when exactly do the work hours end? With this approach the line between "working" and "resting" gets blurred. I'm working from the moment I wake up till I go to bed some days. I might get a few minutes of lunch or an hour or two before bed to do my own thing, but generally I still try to fill that with something "productive," whether it's dishes or laundry or the budget, or even reading parenting books or posting pictures to this blog. I've stopped reading for fun, I watch less than an hour of television most weeks, and I find myself wondering, wait - when am I done? Can I have a lunch hour? What about a 15 minute break? CAN I AT LEAST HAVE A 15 MINUTE BREAK?? IT'S MANDATED BY LAW, PEOPLE.

The other problem with the "job" approach is that I don't have a boss. Now that might not seem like a problem right off the bat. But bosses are there not only to distribute and oversee work, but also (hopefully) to keep their employees in good shape so-to-speak, so that they can continue to work and be productive. As already mentioned, no one's here making sure I get a lunch hour or breaks. No one is reviewing my goals to make sure they're reasonable and that I'm not trying to do too much too quickly. I don't have anyone to offer me guidance when I encounter unexpected or baffling problems (like a child who insists on trying to smear poop on herself and everything else every time we change her diaper). And, on the flip side, I don't have anyone holding me accountable. (Not to imply that Peter isn't supportive or involved, he's just simply not here during most of our day.)

Anyway, this post is way too long and way too rambley, but I think part of my funk this week stems from some of the disadvantages mentioned above. Goals are good, productivity is good, but I need to be able to relax in the midst of it too and remember that this ISN'T a job. No one is standing over me with a predetermined and set-in-stone job description which I must fulfill every second of every day. It's okay to be flexible and creative. Heck, it's probably okay to stay in our pajamas and watch hours of mindless television from time to time. Also, it would probably be a good thing if I worked out some clearly demarcated downtime on a regular basis. Time to not be productive or accomplish anything. I'm not sure how to do that, but I imagine it can be worked out somehow. The hardest part will not be setting the time but actually using it for its intended purpose without feeling guilty. And lastly, I also just need to practice developing the self-discipline so to accomplish the things that are important to me even if there is no one to hold me accountable. And that's just going to take time.

I still don't know if there is a honeymoon period to this whole SAHM business. And if there is, am I in it? Am I out of it? I don't know. I'm glad to be home though. So glad. It's not perfect. It's not problem-free. Poop is involved on a regular basis, in fact. But it's worth it. I'm absolutely, 100% confident of that.

Break's over, lady! Back to work.

Flashback Friday: The... Erm... Weekend Edition

Sorry I'm late with this week's installment of flashback photos. I have good reasons (not really) but am too lazy to type them out and figure you probably don't care anyway. Moreover, if Saturday Night Live can have a Thursday edition, then why can't I have a Flashback Friday post on Sunday? Except I guess, technically, they are actually airing shows ahead of their normal schedule. So, yeah. Moving on...

Once upon a time, long, long, ago, Peter and Stephanie took an anniversary trip up the coast of California. Actually, it was a combined 5th and 6th anniversary and also Valentine's Day trip, and it occurred during Peter's spring break back in March of 2006. I think. But that is a lot of details, so it is very possible that some of them are wrong.

One thing I know for sure: we had a great time. We stayed in our first ever bed-and-breakfast (beautiful and cozy and not nearly as please-please-PLEASE-don't-make-me-talk-to-strangers-panic-inducing as I expected), we toured Hearst Castle, we saw a LOT of elephant seals, we visited Pismo Beach and Avila Beach, we visited Mission San Luis Obispo, we tried to go whale-watching but the weather was too stormy that day, and then, on our way home we randomly took a strange little detour recommended by the lady at the b&b and after seemingly driving out to the middle of nowhere, ended up at the Oso Flaco Nature Trail.

Which was awesome.

Awesome because it was a pretty little trail that wound its way back through a small area of trees, over a boardwalk that crossed Oso Flaco Lake, and then ended on a beautiful stretch of beach bordering the Oceano Dunes.

Awesome because we got to the trail just as the stormy skies suddenly emptied of clouds and everything was sunny, and blue, and sparkling, and amazingly gorgeous.

Awesome because previously mentioned stormy skies had apparently scared away all other visitors and we had the entire trail - the entire beach - to ourselves. Let me repeat that. Peter and I found a beautiful stretch of beach (not all that far from Los Angeles) on a beautiful day - completely devoid of people. AMAZING.

It was beautiful. Really, really beautiful.

Also, the Oceano Dunes? Super cool.

I only found four photos of the trip (below) when I was going through our photo files. More can be seen on an old online album of Pete's. The pictures don't even come close to doing it justice.





On the way home from Shanelle and Jared's wedding last Sunday I had a horrible moment of panic when, after thinking about their upcoming honeymoon trip to Paris and Italy, I was suddenly hit with the thought that, OH MY GOODNESS, WE HAVE A KID. And maybe someday KIDS. AND THERE WILL BE NO PARIS OR ITALY OR ROMANTIC ROADTRIPS OR LONG WALKS OR LET'S FACE IT LEISURELY DINNERS OR UNINTERRUPTED CONVERSATIONS FOR US EVER AGAIN FOR AS LONG AS BE BOTH SHALL LIVE. Or AT LEAST until we are 80. And then we'll be too tired. (I apologize for that last bit of ageist stereotyping. As I'm sure you can tell, this panic attack was not completely full of rational thought.) ALSO, I HAVEN'T BEEN ANYWHERE OR SEEN ANYTHING. WAH WAH WAH.

I really felt quite gloomy about it for a bit. Then I recovered. But a little smidgen of panic remains. Or maybe it's some other emotion. I'm not quite sure.

I mean, Eden. Is Wonderful. I cannot get enough of her. But I also miss the just-the-two-of-us adventures that Pete and I used to have. And while I know that we will have more of those in the future - and in all likelihood, well before our eighties - I have a feeling they won't be quite the same. Because we are not just-the-two-of-us anymore. And even if we are physically off on our own, a chunk of our heart and mind will always be missing, somewhere else, firmly tied to the rest of the tribe, whatever it may look like at that point in time. We are no longer carefree.

Because we have cares.


We very, very much have cares.


Also. Thank you God, for our cares.

P.S. Does anyone have any suggestions for toddler-friendly 10th anniversary trips?

Shanelle + Jared

My good friend Shanelle got married on Sunday. It was a beautiful wedding.


I was a bridesmaid, Eden was a flower girl, and Peter helped officiate the ceremony. Eden was actually just supposed to walk down the aisle with Peter, and then sit with him in the front row (except when I held her while he was speaking). No flower-petal-throwing required. But I was worried (of course). She's been known to have a mind of her own from time to time, after all. And when we held a "dress rehearsal" in our kitchen a few days before, she'd let us know her opinion about the dress by screaming and violently yanking on the collar.

So yeah, I was worried.

To my great relief however, things went really well. She wore the dress (and the hair bow!). She walked down the aisle, just stopping to look behind her a few times. And she let Peter hold her in the front row... for a few minutes. She had been away from me for most of the day, so when she saw that I was standing just a few feet in front of her, she kept trying to wriggle away from Peter to get to me. Which meant I held her most of the ceremony. This worked okay for the most part - while she sat relatively still. But toward the end, she decided she'd also had enough of mom and just wanted to get down and explore. I kept trying to distract her (quietly) and shush her when she started to fuss. And in the end, there were really only a few tense moments (for me) when she whined a bit. For the most part, I don't think anyone else noticed much. She ripped quite a few flowers out of my bouquet, but the damage wasn't that noticeable. Probably the worst moment (again, for me) was when she was trying to get down out of my arms during the exchange of vows, and upon discovering my resistance to this plan, started murmuring "no, no, no." Not the most ideal backdrop to two people communicating life-long commitment to one another. But again, I'm hoping most people (including the bride and groom) didn't notice. And I'm really hoping it wasn't loud enough to be recorded for posterity on the wedding video.

Unfortunately, after a few days off of her normal routine, Eden wasn't up to a long night of dancing at the reception. Peter took her home just after the dinner and ended up having a nightmare of a time getting her to bed. But we've taken it easy every day since, and apart from an on-going battle with some incoming teeth, she's had a good week.

The wedding was fantastic, and despite the normal difficulties of planning anything involving a 14-month-old, it went off really well. It was an honor to be a part of such a special occasion, and I'm so glad that Eden's first flower-girl experience could be with a couple that mean so much to us and have played such an important role in her life already. (Shanelle was Eden's babysitter for most of the time that I was working full-time.)

Here are some pictures (special thanks to Merlin F. for the actual wedding ceremony pictures!):

Eden's dress rehearsal.

Shanelle, and our friend Skip, getting manicures and pedicures the day before the wedding.

Out for breakfast with Shanelle the morning of the big day.

Skip, Shanelle, and Luz (the maid-of-honor).

Another good friend (and bridesmaid), Nikki, getting her hair done. She and I had a bit of a stressful morning as the salon goofed up her appointment and then had to try to squeeze us both in with the same stylist at the same time. They did our make-up for free to try to make up (hee hee) for the mistake, but Nikki ended up washing it all off later because they put it on so thick. Thankfully, everything worked out in the end.


Congratulations, Shanelle and Jared! We love you!

Flashback Friday: New Pajamas Edition

Eden got some new pajamas for her birthday. It's just now cool enough here for her to wear them.


She was given new pajamas as a gift around this time last year too.


Last year: cupcakes. This year: kitty cats. What more could you want in life?


Hmmm. Well, considering the fact that she is not smiling in a SINGLE ONE of these pictures, I'm guessing she, at least, must think there's something more. Moral of this story: new pajamas are wasted on the young. Please direct all future gifts to my attention. I will also accept cupcakes in lieu of cupcake pajamas. However, I have no need for any more kitty cats.


Thank you very much.

Retreat

Last weekend Peter was the speaker at a student conference hosted by ACSI Southern California.


On Saturday we drove into the mountains of San Bernardino to a large retreat/conference center known as Forest Home.


The weather was beautiful, although much, much cooler than what we were used to. Eden and I were recovering from some pretty bad colds, so we took it easy while we were there, seeing Peter and other friends between sessions and activities.


It was nice to get out of town, nice to retreat to a quieter setting, nice to get to spend time with Pete in the midst of a very busy month - a month where we have to spend much more time apart than normal. Peter did an amazing job, as I knew he would.


Fortunately, his speaking abilities are much greater than my photography abilities. I can't believe that over the course of three days, the above blurry picture is the best I have of him. I did manage to get some pictures of our cabin though - it was very nice with two bedrooms, a large living room area, and a screened-in porch.


It also had a nice view.


This was the same conference center that we traveled to last year around this time, when Eden was just a few months old. I rode a zip line then. No zip lines this year, but I was okay with that. It was nice just to retreat.